By Legal Weasel, a sometimes controversial contributor to matters of law and morality.
In the weeks running up to the Diamond Jubilee the television schedules have been packed full of documentaries recalling the key events of the Queen’s reign. Including the sinking of the Titanic (which appears to have qualified on the basis that whilst it may not have happened during said reign, a film was made about it during the last sixty years) Ingerland winning the World Cup in 1966, and the moon landing in 1969. And whilst it’s not readily apparent what her Britannic Majesty did to assist the moon landing, it’s hard to argue with the proposition that the first human landing on the moon ranks among the most significant events of the last century.
Except that there are plenty of people who would argue about it. A significant body of people believe that the moon landings never took place, and that the familiar film of the landings was faked in a Hollywood warehouse. The absence of stars and the behaviour of the flag in the footage is said to prove as much. In fact, conspiracy theories abound wherever one looks. Others have claimed that examination of photographs of Mars reveal not a barren lifeless world but half a gigantic human face sculpted into the Martian rock. And the former Coventry City goalkeeper, David Icke, has long proclaimed that our rulers are in fact shape shifting reptillians from the “Inter Dimension” (presumably a distant relation of the Inter Toto Cup).
The Legal Weasel, as you would expect, has little time for such nonsense. If the moon landings had been filmed in Hollywood, where in the film footage is the interminable Pearl and Dean advertising then? Or the glamorous female lead in a revealing space suit? Answer me that. As for the photos of the “human face” on Mars, whilst the claim that it is half a human face adds a superficial veneer of plausibility to the claim (given the economic contagion sweeping the Galaxy, it makes sense that money for the project would have run out half way through) the Legal Weasel can reveal after a painstaking analysis of the photos, in which the effects of shadow has been discounted, that they in fact show not half a human face, but a Starbucks logo. Which, as anyone who has arrived at any railway station anywhere in the UK in the last decade and been greeted by five branches of Starbucks within a hundred yards of the railway station will confirm, is no more than one would expect. And as for poor David Icke, well, keeping goal for Coventry City can probably do that to anyone.
But the events of the last week or so have caused the Legal Weasel to re-examine his scepticism about conspiracy theories. Over the last week or so the Legal Weasel has had the inside track on the events that have been making the back (and sometimes front) page headlines at one of our major sporting institutions. Being a Legal Weasel, the Weasel is bound by obligations of confidentiality and cannot reveal the details. All the Legal Weasel can say is that the stories reported on the back pages aren’t the truth. They’re not even close to the truth. So far as the Legal Weasel is aware, not one poster on one of the many forums debating these events has got anywhere near guessing the truth.
Instead, press statements are issued that can only be described as misleading. Our glorious free press distinguish themselves primarily by displaying the freedom to get totally the wrong end of the stick. In the court of public opinion (nowadays surely our Supreme Constitutional Court) heroes and villains are praised and condemned when if the facts were known the popular judgement would be totally reversed. The truth of the dictum that “It is impossible to judge between God and the devil because God has written all the history books” is revealed again when those left standing at the institution in question spin the story to their own advantage.
If this instance is representative, the Legal Weasel can only advise you, dear Reader, to trust nothing that you read on the back pages if it’s not a report of something that has been shown and analysed in slow motion on multiple camera angles. Even then, don’t believe it if it has the support of Sepp Blatter (ok, that much you knew already). The fact is that a good press department on the one hand and contractual obligations of confidentiality on the other can allow the public to be totally misled. The truth can be stranger than any conspiracy theory. And, wait, is that a flying saucer from the Inter Dimension parked in the directors’ parking spaces? Is that a shape shifting reptillian striding towards the assembled press microphones? And is it not assuming the shape of ………..« What is in a CVA? Raptor says England 8.02% chance in Euro 2012 »
About Legal Weasel
A sometimes controversial contributor to matters of law and morality.
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